You are never going to get over the passing away of your dog so STOP TRYING. But what will happen is that, with time you will just learn to DEAL with it BETTER.
This July, was 6 years since my dog Snowy passed away. I am have always wanted to put my thoughts regards my battle of coping with his passing away but never got around to it, cowardice … perhaps!?
The passing away of Snowy was the reason I became an animal welfare volunteer. But being an Animal Welfare Volunteer has its own share of trauma as well. There too, one could have to undergo the trauma of the passing away of several dogs in a short duration of time, all whom you love dearly, have tended, fed, and loved, no different from pets at home. An occupational hazard, I am told.
Following are some thoughts that keep me going …
The Privilege to Grieve after the passing away of my dog.
I have earned the privilege to grieve and I will do so openly. I will express my sadness with an open heart and mind. Whether it means crying, yelling, shouting, screaming, I will do exactly as I feel in the initial stages of my grief. I am not going to cap my emotions nor am I going to hide them.
It doesn’t really matter what others think, a part of my soul had been ripped out with the passing away of my dog and I will react and behave exactly the way I feel. I earned this privilege to grieve for my love for my dog was pure and unadulterated.
Closure with a Cremation / Burial
The process of a burial or cremation goes a long way in the whole process of healing. It brings some kind of closure in the physical state and it forces one to accept reality as it is. My association with my dear friend in the physical state is over and I need to see, the burial or cremation for that to happen. Closure is important.
The lighting of a Diya, the passing away of your dog and the divine Universe.
I usually light a lamp after my doggy has passed away. There is no time limit or anything like that. Light is all-powerful and just the action of lighting the lamp in memory of the dear departed brings some kind of solace and strength. Perhaps a memory will flash by, perhaps I will want to say a prayer or perhaps just perform the symbolic gesture of lighting of the Diya. The lighting of Diya has always given me comfort. The Diya somehow gave me a feeling of bonding with my dog, the Universe, and my soul. I absorbed the energy from the flame to give me strength when I felt the weakest.
The never-ending question of ‘What If’
There would be millions of questions that would run through my head as to what I should have done, should not have done or could have done. What If I had done this or what if I had done that, my doggy would have been alive!. It is but natural to go through this I chose not to fight these emotions, let the thoughts flow.
After the passing away of my dog, I would write down my thoughts every day on a clean sheet of paper and then crumple the paper and throw it away. I would do this, over and over again, every single day, every single time the “What if” question cropped up, I did not hold myself back, just wrote down exactly what was running through my head, and then I would throw that piece of paper away. The ‘What if’ began to become fruitless and irrelevant, it was the past, nothing was going to change and the “What-if’ got replaced by a degree of acceptance over time.
Keep in mind hindsight is 100%, it is very easy to reason out what should have been done looking back but the reality is that the Universe does not work that way.
You did the best you can at that point in time and did what you thought was right. The truth is that if the time had come for your doggy to move on, there is nothing you could have done to prevent it. The Universe has decided, ‘It was time”.
It’s all my fault
I went through this stage often but I learned to go with the flow to avoid going completely insane. I would blame myself for everything that I perceived had gone wrong. I would hold myself responsible for his death, directly or indirectly. Perhaps I was, perhaps I was not, I will never know that. Yes, it was really stressful and this was a miserable stage I went through but I did come out of it as well. Acceptance was the key and not fight my emotions. However, I did promise myself that if mistakes were made, I would not repeat them. A promise I keep reminding myself of even today.
The passing away of your dog is really no one’s fault. The Universe works this way, the time for my beloved doggy to move on had come and whatever I did or anyone else did, doggy was going to move on.
The passing away of my dog, his memory and the planting of saplings
This was an activity that brought comfort to me after the passing away of my dog. I began planting saplings in memory of the departed soul. I chose saplings that would in some way reminded me of my dog. It felt good knowing that one day the sapling would grow into a huge tree and it gave me comfort that my doggy lives on in the form of an ever-growing beautiful tree.
It also gave me a way of expressing to my doggy that he mattered and he will lives on in the form of the tree. I usually plant the saplings where I can visit easily and I know the sapling will be taken care of.
Speaking to an Animal Communicator.
This is something that is perhaps controversial, not all believe in it, and if in the wrong hands, one can get scammed and traumatized even more. Only if you believe in this possibility and have an animal communicator with a proven track record, should you do this. There are times there has been a desperate need for me to find out if my dog is happy and doing well after crossing the Rainbow Bridge, an animal communicator has given me these answers and brought me some solace.
Start serving others in his memory.
I started doing animal welfare work in memory of my departed dear. I fed other dogs, helped in the adoption of pups, raised funds for shelters, etc. Not only did I end up helping other animals, but I also found comfort and perhaps brought back a little sanity in my life, by devoting some time to the dogs on the street. Doing something for someone else brings you a special kind of comfort. I became an animal welfare volunteer in memory of my dear Snowy.
His belongings was a confusing, yet touchy topic after the passing away of my dog.
My first reaction was to give away anything and everything that reminds me of some memory as it was very very difficult to handle. I am so so happy that I kept some of his belonging as over time I began to yearn to see and feel them. I gifted his remaining belongings to other pet owners and a shelter so that other dogs can benefit from them.
So these are just some thoughts I have put together based on my experience regards my handling of the passing away of my dog.
I have QUIT TRYING to get over the pain, it is not going to happen, I have accepted my soul will ache a bit forever. But what I also do know is that with time I have just learned how to deal with the passing away of my dog better. I also began to feel grateful for the time I was given to spend with this being and his memories became a source of internal strength to me.
Stay Strong and just be thankful that we are the privileged few that have experienced the love of a dog. That’s life ..
About Author
Zarir Karbhari dedicates his waking hours to the welfare of stray and abandoned animals on the streets of Pune. He is a Civil Engineer by education and ran a software development company for over 25 years till his life quite literally went to the dogs.